8th
tiny alligators, trillions of them
the man was taking a bath. he was thirsty. it was snowing outside. covering all the cars. when he was a little boy and was in the bath his mother would often sit on the toilet and read magazines. she always told him not to drink the bath water. she said there were billions and trillions of little baby alligators in the water. She said they were so small that he couldnt see them, but she promised him that they were there nonetheless. She said if he drank even the tiniest little bit of bath water he would swallow at least one million little alligators. then she would ask him, “now when those little alligators get hungry what will they eat? they will have no choice but to eat you up from the inside out.” that is what she told him and he believed her.
on this day the man had his feet up on the end of the tub because since he was a grown man he was no longer able to fit his entire body under water like he once could when he was a boy. the tap was dripping onto the arch of his foot. he thought about the cars parked out on his street. the snow slowly covering them up. how quiet it must be inside those cars, and how dark. the man bet if he were sitting still enough inside one of those cars he could probably see his own breathe. he also thought that if someone else was in one of those cars with him he would be able to see their breathe too, and if it was a girl that was inside one of those cars breathing with him he would want to kiss her. the man had not kissed anyone for a long time. especially not in a cold dark car covered in snow. the man decided that if he was ever inside a cold dark car covered in snow with a girl, that he would tell her about the trillions of tiny alligators in his bath tub. he would be sure to add that there was one thing about these alligators that separated them from real alligators, like the kind you see in florida or australia, the kind that can live on land and in water. these little alligators can only live in bath water. then he would make sure to tell the girl that this meant even though they might be cold in the car, at least they would be safe from the alligators and also at least they could keep kissing. he would probably add that the alligators didnt like kissing either, so even though they were already safe by not being in the bath but in a cold dark car covered in snow, they could be absolutely certain to be safe from the billions and trillions of alligators as long as they kept kissing.
